


You're My Saving Grace

by alexcat



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Emails, Gap Filler, Halo by lotte kestner, M/M, from 2012 to 2023
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-27
Updated: 2020-02-27
Packaged: 2021-02-28 06:21:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,482
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22929370
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alexcat/pseuds/alexcat
Summary: After Tony is gone, Steve begins to get emails.
Relationships: Steve Rogers/Tony Stark
Kudos: 40
Collections: Of Elves and Men





	You're My Saving Grace

**Author's Note:**

> The story was inspired by this song, suggested by Jenny: [**Halo by Lotte Kestner**](https://youtu.be/x2Yl0ALK3-4)

The emails began to come in after Tony was gone, after he’d made his final sacrifice. At first, Steve thought someone was playing a cruel joke on him, but after reading the first one, dated 2012, he knew they were real. Tony had written to him and set the emails to come should something happen to him.   
  
Something had happened.   
  
_Steve,_  
 _If you’re reading this, I’m gone._  
 _My dad talked about you all the time…ALL THE FUCKING TIME! He looked for you for a long time after you took the nosedive into the ice. I don’t think he ever got over you. Was he in love with you? I have to ask. I know Peggy Carter never got over you either. You must be something in the sack – um, that implies you had sex with my dad. Did you? J/K I think._  
 _Did I tell you that I had a Captain America costume as a kid? I’m sure there are photos somewhere of me in it. I’ll ask Pepper to dig through them._   
_I’m sorry for the nasty things I said. I was so fucking nervous to meet you. It was like meeting a god. I didn’t expect to feel the way I did about you._  
 _Stark_  
  
Steve read it again. He remembered how they almost came to blows, how frustrated he’d been by Stark. He’d considered Stark to be a clone of his father, though they were very different in the end and still so much the same.  
  
He moved on to the next one, dated sometime later in 2012   
  
_Steve,_  
 _I’m glad you’re back in New York. I meant to walk away, too, but that didn’t happen. The Chitauri rattled my ass bad. Pepper says I’ve become obsessive over it all. I am. Jesus Christ, Steve, they were aliens! We have to do something to stop them from coming again! I’d love to put a suit of armor around the world to keep it safe._  
  
He smiled to himself. That idea had gotten them into so much trouble, hadn’t it? Was Tony wrong? He still didn’t know. He’d told Tony he was wrong at the time but now, things weren’t always black and white, were they?   
  
He read on.   
  
_I, uh, I keep seeing you in my dreams. Sometimes you kiss me. Is that crazy or what? Pepper says I have unresolved feelings, whatever that means. She’s probably right. She usually is. Perhaps we should explore that sometime. Hmm, just forget I said that. Pepper says it might be just hero worship. I told her you’re an asshole too much of the time for that. Well, you are sometimes. No one is that good, are they?_  
 _Stark_  
  
So Tony had felt it even then? He never said. Not in so many words anyway.   
  
Another one came in the next day.   
  
It was dated right after SHIELD fell.   
  
_MY God! I knew we couldn’t trust them but I never knew it could possibly be so bad. HYDRA! So sorry about everything. I hope you find what you’re looking for. Be careful out there. I know you’re hard to kill but I can’t stand the thought of losing you._  
 _Tony_  
  
None came in for several days and Steve thought they were done. When he checked his email after the memorial service, there were a couple more.   
  
_It was great to be on a mission again with you but this one was scary, wasn’t it? When I was in the castle, I had a vision of you all. Everyone was dead but you and your shield was broken and you were near death. You said, “You could have saved us. Why didn’t you do more?” then you died too. I gotta tell you, it freaked me out. It had to have been the girl, the red haired one._  
 _This HYDRA base was scarier than all the others. I saw other things too… I think it was the end. I don’t want the end to come. Not yet._  
 _Maybe I’ll throw a big party when we get back. Invite some of the military types and some ex-SHIELD to come too. We’ll have a big blowout to celebrate getting that fucking Scepter back. Did I tell you I found a secret room full of Chitauri tech? God, I hate that stuff._  
 _Tony_  
  
Steve remembered that mission as the beginning of the end of the Avengers even though they did lots more missions. It was the beginning of other things too. Odd that Wanda was their enemy then. He loved her so much now – she was like family to him.   
  
The next email was written after the party and the mission, the disaster in Sokovia. And one fateful night at Barton’s farm. It seemed like a hundred years ago.   
  
_Steve_  
 _I have no words for any of it. I never imagined anything like Ultron happening. Bruce and I were working on something we thought was a good idea. I guess we didn’t think quite enough. The party was so much fun up until that moment._  
  
It was. Steve smiled at the memory. Before they all got drunk enough to try to lift Thor’s hammer and before Ultron awakened, he and Tony had met in the hall outside the party. He’d gone to the bathroom and Tony had been out of the room to fetch a bottle of Scotch from his workshop.   
  
“Are you drunk, Rogers?” Tony asked him.   
  
Steve had grinned. “Maybe a little. You’re not as drunk as you pretend to be, though, are you?”  
  
“Maybe, maybe not. Certainly not as drunk as I used to get.”  
  
They both went to open the door at once and sort of shoulder checked one another, but neither of them moved away for a long moment. Steve had looked into Tony’s eyes and knew in that minute that there was more between them than he’d previously realized. He knew now why it mattered what Stark thought of him. He felt the stirrings of a desire he hadn’t felt since Bucky a lifetime ago. He leaned a little closer to Tony.   
  
Tony had asked in his quiet voice, “Are we going to kiss now?”   
  
“I think so,” Steve answered and dipped his head to kiss Tony’s lips. Just as they were about to kiss, Natasha opened the door and stared them for a moment then closed it back quickly.   
  
They pulled apart.   
  
“Can we take this up later?” Tony asked him.   
  
Steve was embarrassed and excited. He nodded and then they went back to the party. Neither of them knew what was coming or they might have kissed a few times for good measure. He got really drunk on whatever was in Thor’s flask, but the appearance of Ultron sobered them all up instantly.   
  
Steve remembered how pissed he was at the farmhouse. He and Stark had argued bitterly. It all boiled down to them arguing over their basic differences. Tony wanted to keep the world safe from everything by acting preemptively. Steve knew that safety was sometimes, often times, the death of freedom. He understood Tony. All too well.   
  
Fury had shown up and talked to Stark in the barn. He’d thought about listening in but he’d split more wood instead. It was either that or punch Stark in the mouth. After dinner, Laura had sent them to their rooms. Nat and Bruce were together, the kids bunked with their mom and dad and Fury took one room. That left Steve and Tony to share the kids’ room, bunk beds and all.   
  
  
“This makes me feel like I’m back in the Army,” Steve told Tony as he came into the small bedroom toweling his damp hair. He wore his trousers and a black t-shirt. Steve remembered because the Arc Reactor glowed through the fabric of the shirt.   
  
“Can we get through the night without fighting?” he’d said when Tony hadn’t said anything.   
  
“Sure.”  
  
“Tony, I – we just have different ideas of how to handle this, I think.”  
  
Tony said nothing and Steve had given up. Until Tony spoke again.   
  
“Were you really going to kiss me back at the party?” He’d finished drying his hair and he looked as dapper as ever.   
  
Steve found he couldn’t speak so he nodded.   
  
Tony looked thoughtful for a moment. “”Well, here we are and it would seem that we might actually be really alone this time.”  
  
“Aren’t we fighting?” Steve asked him.   
  
“Is that what you _want_ to do?”   
  
Steve laughed. “I’m pretty good in a fight.”   
  
Tony sat beside him on the bottom bunk. Tony reached out and turned Steve’s face toward his own. He kissed Steve, just lips touching lips. The first kiss was short and Tony followed it up with a second one that was not as brief. Steve put his arms around Tony during the third kiss.   
  
“Should we stop before we do something – that we can’t take back?” Steve asked.   
  
“Do you want to stop?”   
  
Steve kissed Tony this time. “No. I want…” He let the sentence trail off.  
  
“Tell me, Steve. Do you want this?”  
  
“You? Do I want you? God, yes,” Steve answered and they’d spent most of the night showing one another just how badly they wanted each other. Watching Tony Stark come apart in his arms had been life changing for him. He’d considered, for the first time since WWII, that there might be something else out there for him.   
  
Natasha came in to wake them and found them asleep in one another’s arms. “Get up and get some clothes on,” she’d whispered. “The kids will be in here any minute.”  
  
They’d hurriedly dressed and joined the others in the kitchen.  
  
He looked back at the email.  
  
 _The farm was unexpected, wasn’t it? I never – well, I did maybe. I fell in love with you standing outside the door at the party. I wanted you anyway, had since I saw you in Stuttgart. You were everything Howard said you were and more. What was it Ultron called you? God’s righteous man? You were that and more – flesh and blood all balled up with need and desire. You were my saving grace, Steve. I didn’t know it until after it was all over. You made me better than I was._  
  
Steve had to stop. His mind was flooded with memories of him and Stark together, entangled in one another. His nights were already haunted by those memories.   
  
He left the email up and decided to come back later.   
  
It was the next day before he got back to it.  
  
 _I hope we can work all this out sometime. I know we have issues, differences. I hope they don’t drive us completely apart. We seem to be opposite sides of the same coin. Always know that I do love you, even if I never was able to say the words to you._  
 _Love you, Stark_  
  
The next one that came in was from when they moved to the new headquarters in upstate New York.   
  
_Steve,_  
 _I hope the new digs are good for you and the new Avengers. You have some good people, you and Nat. You don’t even need me anymore. I need some space, I think, some space to figure all this out and think about the Ultron thing. I wanted to protect the world but I fucked it up last time. We’ll see what the future brings._  
  
The disaster in Lagos had driven the wedge between them that finally turned into all out war. He’d found Bucky though and he was Bucky again. He’d known since they liberated all the SHIELD secrets that Bucky had killed the Starks. He was a little surprised that Tony had never come across the information himself. He’d downloaded all the files on the helicarrier when they first were the Avengers. Apparently he never read them all.  
  
 _I am angry with you. You need to sign the damn accords, Steve! Ross is going to throw your ass in jail! I know you and your people never did anything intentionally but Wanda is dangerous. Hell, Steve, I am dangerous. Please do this! Ross hates us all and is just waiting for a chance to lock us up._  
 _T_  
  
Another one was written the next day.   
  
_I am so sorry to hear about Peggy. I remember her when I was a kid and Howard worked at SHIELD. She was so pretty and always spoke with that clipped British accent. I’d always ask her questions about Captain America and I’m sure she got tired of them, but she was always kind and told me about some heroic thing that Cap had done. I wondered later if she made them up for a silly little boy, but since I’ve known you, I expect they were all true._  
 _Please come to Vienna after the funeral to sign. We need you. I need you._  
 _Tony_  
  
He hadn’t gone. And everything had gone to hell when someone appearing to be Bucky killed the King of Wakanda. Steve knew that if Bucky did it, it was brainwashing that made him do it. He and Sam had decided to find Bucky and bring him in themselves.   
  
Steve and Tony had a few minutes alone when he was finally brought in along with Steve and T’Challa.  
  
They’d kissed first, their affection overriding their anger. Then they argued and in the end, Bucky had been activated as the Winter Soldier by Zemo.   
  
The next few emails were from those days.   
  
_I wish I could make you stop and talk to me. I swear I only wanted us to be like we were. I felt guilty for my part in Sokovia. That woman, oh god, Steve. She was so angry about her son and it was MY fault. You told me once that people die in war and I said I wasn’t a soldier. I guess I am. Do you ever get used to the idea that you caused someone completely innocent to die?_  
 _I know you love Barnes but he’s dangerous. Be careful with him. Natasha told me that he’s the one who shot her. Please be careful._  
 _Always yours – Tony_  
  
Berlin then Siberia… he knew he’d never see Tony again and he was so sorry. He’d sent Tony a phone and a note, hoping that if he ever did need him, he’d come.   
  
_Steve_  
 _I was so angry and so thrilled to get your phone and your letter. No matter what happens I still love you. If you don’t know it now, you’ll know it when you read these emails someday. Rhodey is doing well… he’s a tough guy and he’ll be fine. I know that Sam and Wanda are with you. I hope you all take care of one another. I heard a rumor that Nat is in Moscow. I hope she’s okay, too._  
 _Pepper wants us to move in together and I’m thinking I’ll do it. God knows I need someone to take care of me and she’s always been up to the task. I do love her – not exactly the same as I feel about you, but I don’t know if I’ll ever see you again._  
 _Stay safe_  
 _Tony_  
  
Those first days on the run had been hard. But he’d had Sam along and Sharon Carter let him know what was going on back in the world. He’d hoped that Tony would call, but that hadn’t happened. He missed Bucky, but he was happy that he was safe in Wakanda, even if he was in the deep freeze. T’Challa and his people had been kind to him, Sam and Bucky. He hoped he could repay their kindness someday.   
  
“Cap, I gotta ask you a personal question and if you don’t want to answer, I’ll understand,” Sam said to him as they sat in a café in Paris, waiting for a contact.   
  
“What is that you want to know?” Steve was curious at what Sam was so serious about.   
  
“You and Stark, are you two a thing?” Sam sounded embarrassed, just asking the question.   
  
Steve knew he could lie or refuse to answer but if he and Sam were going to be best friends now, he needed to be honest with Sam and to trust him completely. “Yeah, we were but now, I guess we’re an ex-thing.”  
  
“You still care for him then?” Sam pressed.   
  
“Oh, yeah. I don’t think there’s much of anything that could make me hate him. I just hope that when he gets over being so angry at me, that he won’t hate me either. I miss him.”  
  
“I loved Riley like that. He was my best friend and my everything. I miss him still every single day.”  
  
Steve had put his hand over Sam’s. “You’re such a good friend, Sam. I don’t deserve it.”   
  
Sam proved over and over what a good friend he was and what a good comrade as well. He and Steve began taking missions to take down leftover HYDRA cells as well chase down Chitauri tech on the black market. Neither of them was sure who financed them, but it didn’t matter. They had enough money and equipment to fight bad guys and that was what counted for Steve.  
  
Steve was in London when he heard that Stark was to come there in two days’ time. He decided he was going to try to see Tony, to speak to him if he could. He dug out the suit he’d worn to Peggy’s funeral and got his shaggy long hair trimmed. He even trimmed his beard a little.   
  
Tony was speaking at an AI symposium about the dangers of unregulated experimentation with Artificial Intelligence. Ultron had made him an expert on what could go wrong.   
  
Steve scored a seat and showed up. Sam had declined, taking the evening to visit some of the high spots of London, a bill cap pulled over his face when he got near a camera.   
  
Tony was dressed in a black suit that made Steve’s body remember him without clothing. He hung on Tony’s every word, luxuriating in the sound of Tony’s voice. He did notice that Tony looked over in his direction quite often. He was pretty sure he was far enough back that Stark couldn’t recognize him.   
  
When Tony’s talk was done, Steve decided to slip out quickly. Two men stopped him as he exited the large meeting room.   
  
“Excuse us, sir, but you’re to come with us,” the larger of the two said. There was no menace or threat in his voice.   
  
“Are you sure I’m the man you’re looking for?”  
  
“I am.” Tony walked up to them. He thanked the men and took Steve by the elbow. “Come with me back to my hotel.”   
  
“But I -”  
  
“Just hush and come with me before I change my mind.”   
  
The two of them got into the waiting limousine and were driven to the Savoy, where Tony had a suite. They hadn’t said a word since Steve had gotten into the car. When they got to Tony’s hotel room, Tony slammed the door closed and shoved Steve against it. He flew into Steve’s arms and kissed him, a sizzling kiss that made Steve moan.   
  
“Maybe we should -” Steve started to say when they paused, but Tony put a finger to his lips and kissed him again.   
  
“Don’t speak. Not now,” he finally said.   
  
Steve nodded and they began to help one another remove their clothes on the way to the bed. By the time they arrived at the bed, they were down to trousers and underwear. Tony sat on the bed and pulled Steve over to stand in front of him. He unzipped him and leaned forward to kiss Steve’s stomach as he slid both pants and underwear down. Steve stepped out of them and pushed Tony back onto the bed. Tony hurriedly unbuttoned and unzipped his pants, then Steve yanked them off and tossed them aside.   
  
Tony scooted up to the headboard and Steve joined him.   
  
“I -” Steve started to speak again but Tony shushed him.   
  
“Let’s do this now, Steve. If we talk, we’ll argue and we can do that later, if there’s time.”  
  
Steve agreed and they didn’t speak in actual words or full sentences for quite some time.   
  
It was near dawn when Steve woke to see Tony staring out the window. He got up and stood behind him, putting his arms around Tony and kissing his cheek.   
  
“I wish I could stay here forever with you,” Steve told him.  
  
“I know. Me too, but the world is waiting for us and we have to go back to it.”  
  
“Once more time before the sun is up completely?”  
  
Tony laughed. “God, you’re still insatiable, but yeah, I think that’s a wonderful idea.”  
  
The email that Tony had written after that night came next.   
  
_I miss you with every breath, Steve. Could anything be as good as that night? I’ve never felt so much – passion maybe? Love? Maybe we were just both horny as hell. Back in the real world, I find myself smiling at odd times during the day and when someone asks, I can’t tell them the answer. I am still angry with you – you have to know that._  
 _On a completely different note, Pepper wants us to get married. I hope you understand that it’s something I need to do. I want a child. I didn’t know this until the last few weeks. I’ve had dreams about a baby and I – it’s stupid, but I want a chance to be a better dad than Howard was. Does that make any sense? Please, when you hear about it, never think that I don’t love you._  
  
Steve wiped tears when he remembered that night in London. He had been so grateful to have that night with Tony and so glad that Tony still cared. It had helped him to keep going.   
  
It also helped that Natasha had joined him and Sam in their endeavors. They made a good team. He contacted T’Challa now and again to check on Bucky. He was no longer frozen and they were working with him to rid himself of the last vestiges of his horrible programming. They called him the White Wolf. Steve always told T’Challa how thankful he was for them and all their help and kindness to Bucky.   
  
He looked back at his tablet.  
  
 _Steve_  
 _I wanted to let you know that Pepper and I are engaged. You may already know it. What you don’t know is that she knows about us, she knows how I feel about you. She’s not exactly thrilled with the idea, but I felt that I needed her to know._  
 _Not a day goes by that I don’t think of our night in London. I’ve never felt like that before. The sex was great, but I felt something more. I felt loved and I wanted to make the world right for you. I wish we hadn’t let things go so sideways. I wish…_  
 _I hope we see each other again soon._  
 _Tony_  
  
 _Steve,_   
_I dreamed that we were making love last night. I literally cried when I woke and you weren’t there. I hope that you and the others are well. Somehow Rhodey knows some of the things you’ve done. Don’t ask me how he knows. Even I’m not sure, but I’m glad you’re out there in the world and still fighting._  
 _Soon._  
  
Then the world went sideways in a way that none of them really expected. Thanos brought his genocidal road show to earth but this time, he had no intention of killing half the population of earth but he intended to use the Infinity Stones to kill half the galaxy.   
  
Steve remembered when his phone finally rang. His heart raced. Tony! Something was wrong!   
  
“Steve?”  
  
“Tony?” It wasn’t Tony. He recognized Bruce’s voice.  
  
“He’s gone! Thanos has come and Tony and Dr. Strange somehow ended up on a space ship headed somewhere. Thanos is here for the Infinity Stones – he’s after Vision.”  
  
“Shit! Vision is with Wanda again, isn’t he?”  
  
“Yes, they’re coming for him.”  
  
“We’ll find them and protect Vision.”   
  
“It’s bad, Steve. Really bad.”  
  
Steve bit his lip. “We’ll do what we can here, then we’re headed in. Tell Rhodes and anyone else you need to tell. We have to fix this!”  
  
They hadn’t.   
  
He’d lived in despair for the weeks that Tony was gone and then his heart was torn to shreds when Tony did come home. He was thin and sick. He was also angry with Steve, angrier than Steve had ever seen him. Rhodey and Pepper had taken him away. He’d heard later that Tony married Pepper and that they had a little girl. He wanted to go see Tony, but he couldn’t so he poured himself into helping the survivors.   
  
The next of the emails was written right after Tony had left the compound with Pepper.   
  
_Fuck!_   
_I really messed up. I am so sorry, but I was scared. I love you. I still love you. I will always love you. I hope that you’ll forgive me._  
  
Then a series of very short ones had been written.  
  
 _Pepper and I are married. She’s pregnant. God, we’re both kind of old but we’re having a baby! I wish I could tell you in person. I’m terrified!_  
 _I love you_  
 _Tony_  
  
 _It’s going to be a girl. We’re going to name her Morgan after an uncle of Pepper’s._  
  
 _Rhodes says you’re doing amazing things with your survivors’ group. I hide here by the lake with Pepper and her belly. She’s huge and angry! I can’t wait. I’m terrified._  
  
Steve heard that the baby was born and he and Natasha sent a little Black Widow baby onesie for her. Tony had scribbled a note thanking them.   
  
Scott Lang showed up on their doorstep talking about Pym particles and time travel and everything changed yet again. They’d gone to see Tony about what they’d begun to call a time heist. He’d given them no encouragement and little hope, outright refusing to help. They had gone on to find Bruce and see if he could help them.   
  
_Steve,_  
 _I know what you need to make this work but I am not at all sure that it’s possible. I haven’t even told Pepper but I am working on it. I hope that I have an excuse to come out there and tell you that we can do this. I so hope so._  
  
The time heist idea was going nowhere fast, until one day, after they’d turned poor Scott into a baby and an old man, and Steve had reached the point of giving up. Tony had showed up out of the blue. He drove up and rolled down his window. “Why the long face? Let me guess: He turned into a baby.”  
  
Steve was so relieved to see him. “Among other things, yeah. What are you doing here?”   
  
Tony got out of the car and while not answering Steve’s question, he did answer it, sort of. “That's the EPR Paradox. Instead of pushing Lang through time, you might've wound up pushing time through Lang. It's tricky. Dangerous. Somebody shoulda cautioned you against it.”  
  
“You did.” Tony looked good, older but good. Steve wanted grab him and kiss him.   
“Oh, did I?” Tony was his old smirking self. “Thank God I'm here. Regardless, I fixed it.” He held up something that looked a little like a wristwatch. “A fully functioning Time-Space GPS. I just want peace.” He made an old fashioned peace sign and added, “Turns out, resentment is corrosive, and I hate it.”   
  
Steve’s heart melted. “Me too.”   
  
”We got a shot at getting these stones, but I gotta tell you my priorities: Bring back what we lost? I hope, yes. Keep what I got? I have to, at all costs. And... maybe not die trying will be nice.”   
“Sounds like a deal.” He and Tony shook hands, but Steve wanted much more. Tony walked back to the trunk of his car to pull something else out. It was Steve’s Captain America Shield.   
  
Steve hesitated, unsure of what to do. He’d given up the right to that shield and name when he’d let them all down. “Tony…”  
  
Tony said, “Why? He made it for you. Plus, honestly I have to get it out of the garage before Morgan takes it sledding.”  
  
Steve took the shield and put it on his arm as he had hundreds of times before. “Thank you, Tony.”   
  
Steve’s heart sang to see Tony. He didn’t dare hope for more.   
  
“I need to tell you something else,” Tony said to him.   
  
“What?”  
  
“I – uh, Pepper and me, we’re not, we haven’t since Morgan was born.”  
  
Steve was surprised. That was a long time. A really long time.  
  
“We are great at being friends, but not as good as a couple. And there’s you. There’s always you.” He moved close to Steve and Steve put his free arm around Tony, leaning down to kiss his lips softly.  
  
“For me, too, Tony.”   
  
“Then let’s fix this mess and get on with our lives.”   
  
“That’s sounds great to me.”   
  
That conversation rang in Steve’s head like it was yesterday. He and Tony didn’t hide their feelings this time, openly allowing the others seeing them together. Morgan visited often and everyone became fond of the littlest Stark.   
  
He stopped thinking of the past long enough to check for any more emails. There were more. He thought he knew what was in them. He was surprised at what he read.   
  
_Steve,_  
 _I wish I were brave enough to say all this out loud. But I’m not._  
 _I know that it’s my turn to make the big sacrifice. I’ve been running from it since I got back from Titan. I knew it then. Stephen Strange told me he saved me because I was important, and for no other reason. He also said we had a one in over fourteen million chance of winning. Just one chance. I knew then it was up to me._   
_That’s why I avoided it. I turned you all down because I knew what I’d have to do. And I didn’t want to.”_  
  
The next one was written the same day.   
  
_Promise me that you’ll go out and find yourself a life after all this is fixed. Please do that one thing for me. Go find Peggy. Go be with Barnes. But be happy and find someone to love you that you love in turn._  
 _Tomorrow we go to find the stones._  
 _T_  
  
Steve felt tears course down his cheeks. He opened another one.  
  
 _I can’t even imagine a world without her. What have I done? Maybe I was supposed to go to Vormir. How can she be dead? How? I’ve seen her leap onto an alien speeder with no problem. How can she be gone? I am so sorry. I know she was your family, Steve. She was the heart of our family and now, oh hell, I want to just stop this before anyone else dear to us dies._  
  
Steve still had a hard time living in a world without Natasha. They all seemed to.   
  
He clicked on the next one.  
  
 _Steve._  
 _We will finish the gauntlet tomorrow. What I didn’t tell you, any of you, is that my suit can make its own gauntlet. Just in case I need it_  
 _There are things I need to say to you. When we face Thanos, and that is what will happen somehow, it’ll be my turn. You said to me years ago that I wasn’t the man to make the sacrifice play, that I was no hero. I wasn’t a hero, but I studied under the best. I’m ready to make the sacrifice if I have to._   
_If I am ever a hero, I owe it all to you._  
  
There was one more file. It was a video file. Steve clicked and there he was, Tony, sitting on a bench in his workshop.   
  
“ _Hi Steve,_  
 _You need to know that I loved you more than anything else except Morgan. I hope my death will serve to make the world safer, but please don’t mourn me. It there’s something beyond this, I’m out there watching you and Morgan. Always._  
 _You saved me, Steve Rogers. You were always my saving grace. You taught me to love completely and with all my heart. You taught me that I’m not the center of the universe. You taught me that sometimes you simply have to lay down on that wire and let the rest step over you. I want to be the hero you have always been and I hope I measure up._   
_One last time, I love you._  
  
The video ended.   
  
Tomorrow he would return all the stones. And then he’d find that life and live it. And he’d live it well.

**Author's Note:**

> My [**Tumblr**](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/alexcat45).


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